Widows and Orphans: The Group No One Wants to Join

January 15, 2025

by: Rebecca J. Brimmer, International President

My mother was a widow for twelve years. I saw in my own family the sorrow a widow feels when she loses her spouse. I witnessed the loneliness and the ongoing pain as every holiday rolls around. Even though my mother wasn’t destitute, she was emotionally wounded for the rest of her life because she had lost her husband.

When my mother passed away, Bridges for Peace set up a Widows and Orphans fund in her honor. We had no idea that October 7, 2023 would usher in a time when so many would become widows and orphans in so short a period of time. Our hearts were torn apart over and over again as we realized the pain these families were plunged into.

Chronicles of Sorrow

 According to data from the Department of Families, Commemoration and Heritage at the Ministry of Defense, in the year between October 2023 and October 2024, there were 890 casualties, most of them men. They served in the army, the police force, Shin Bet (Israel’s internal security) and were members of infiltrated communities’ emergency squads. They fought in the south, in Lebanon, in Judea and Samaria. And they left behind “1,590 bereaved parents, 306 widows, 645 orphans and over 2,730 bereaved siblings.” Families changed forever.

Here are just three of these widows’ stories.

Flowers for Shabbat: Lt. Ivri Dickstein was killed in Lebanon on a Thursday. Before he died, he had ordered flowers for his wife. What a thoughtful husband to make sure his wife has flowers for Shabbat (Sabbath) even though he was fighting in a war. He wrote a sweet note to accompany the flowers. Of course, he didn’t know that was the last gift he would ever give his wife.

Hours after Lt. Dickstein’s funeral, his wife received the delivery of flowers and a letter. All of Israel shed tears as they read the last words of a hero to his wife. “To my dear wife, I am writing to you again from the far north. I hope it is the last time. I am here, happy and proud to do something important for our nation. I ask you to continue to smile and be with your head up. I am doing okay, do not worry. I love you very much.”

Orphaned at 10 Months: On October 7, 2023, Hadar and Itay Berdichesky hid their 10-month-old twin sons in the safe room hoping that the terrorists assaulting their home would overlook them. The parents were murdered, but their young sons survived.

These orphan boys were fortunate. Their aunt and uncle have taken them in and are raising them along with their own three young boys. Their aunt had to quit her job and become a full-time mother to five boys under the age of seven. Now, the family is trying to manage on only one paycheck.

Presents from Heaven: Hadas Lowenstern’s husband, Rabbi Elisha Lowenstern, 38, fell in battle, leaving behind Hadas and their six children, ranging in age from 11 months to 12 years. “He was the love of my life,” Hadas said in a video that went viral. Because of the size of his family, Elisha was exempt from reserve duty, but both he and Hadas felt it was the right thing for him to serve his nation.

An article about Hadas and Elisha on Chabad.org tells another part of their story. “Her husband made it a tradition to buy her a gift for every Rosh Chodesh (new Hebrew month). Last Rosh Chodesh, after her husband had already been killed, Hadas received an unexpected visit from a stranger who delivered a necklace to her. Hadas instantly knew that it was a gift from Elisha, sent straight from heaven. ‘Who else sends his wife presents from Heaven?!’ she exclaimed.”

How does someone adjust to a loss so deep? Suddenly, these women who are in deep mourning themselves, must be single mothers to grieving children. They must maneuver the bureaucracy and take on the role of both parents in the home. Children will grow up without knowing their father. Some, like the Berdichesky twins, will have no memories of their parents at all. But they will survive because the community will help them

The Group No One Wants to Join

Since the beginning of the war, the number of widows and orphans has spiked. Among these new widows are young women who haven’t had children yet. Many of the women had only been married a month or two before the war started. According to the non-profit Israel Defense Forces Widows and Orphans Organization (IDFWO), “some of them didn’t even have the time to change their status on their identity cards before their husbands were mobilized and killed. And now they will be listed as widows.”

Tami Shelach, the head of IDFWO, added that more than 30 pregnant widows lost their husbands. These babies will never know their fathers, even though their mothers will try to keep their memories alive.

These new widows join others who have lost husbands in the many wars Israel has been forced to fight in defense of her citizens. According to the Jerusalem Post, the IDFWO currently provides assistance to more than 4,000 widows and 13,000 orphans.

For years, Bridges for Peace has worked with Rabbi Yehuda Glick and his wife. Their organization Amitsim reaches out to Israel’s young widows, widowers and orphans. Rabbi Glick told us that the home rests on two legs, the mother and the father. When one leg is missing, the home falls apart. The surviving spouse needs the community to surround them. That is what Amitsim is committed to doing.

Even with the help of community, becoming a widow puts you in a group you never want to be eligible to join. No one wants to be a widow, but it is a reality from which you can never resign. Widowhood becomes part of your story from the moment you receive the news until you pass away.

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